


like rain, like music;

by isabellexx



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Multi, jookyun - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-15 03:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14150475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isabellexx/pseuds/isabellexx
Summary: Before, work was the only thing keeping Jooheon and Changkyun together; they needed to be united for their team to win and later for their group to be successful, nothing more than that. After, in times when it felt like the world was crumbling down, their moments together in the studio were the only thing keeping them sane. Through the years it was music that brought the two rappers closer, but they never imagined it could be what would tear them apart."Like a beautiful song, our love story comes with pain just like the flowing rain."





	1. it's only the beginning;

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone!!! this is my first monsta x fic that i post so i hope no one's too ooc and you enjoy it. thanks for reading and i'll try to update it once a week. {english is not my first language, sorry if there are any mistakes.}
> 
> talk to me on twitter @bhkihyun or on tumblr kirhyun!

Jooheon had been angry, he remembered. He had yelled and complained to anyone that would listen. He locked himself in the studio after the others had calmed down a bit and only returned to the dorm the next morning after putting all of his anger in his lyrics. They weren't his best work, in fact they were quite lazy and just involved a lot of curse words and pure hate. But he didn't care, not when some kid showed up out of nowhere ready to steal his place or his friends' places. When he stepped inside the dorm he immediately saw I.M, a name that he thought was stupid and made no sense, sleeping in the couch with no blanket in the middle of a Seoul winter. Did he want Jooheon and the rest to feel sorry for him? Because that was not happening, not at all. 

He ignored the skinny boy shivering in the old couch and made his way to his room, bumping into Kihyun, who carried a blanket. He asked the vocalist what he was doing with it, although he knew it was for I.M. Kihyun tried to excuse the action, simply saying he didn't want to be responsible for the kid dying due to the cold. Jooheon knew better though, he knew Kihyun and the rest would end up accepting him and becoming friends with him. But not Jooheon, he would never call that free rider a friend. He wasn't even a colleague, he was someone who would get eliminated soon and then Jooheon and Gun would get to debut together and forget all about I.M and his weird stage name.

"Jooheon hyung?" A familiar, deep voice called and Jooheon was pulled out of his thoughts. The boy handed Jooheon a steaming cup of coffee. "I brought you an americano. It's your favorite, right?"

Changkyun stood in front of him with another coffee in his hand and headphones around his neck. He had left the studio thirty minutes before saying he would get some coffee for them, but Jooheon knew it was just an excuse to avoid the awful silence that sat between them once they started writing their lyrics for Monsta X's debut song. Although they weren't like enemies anymore, they weren't friends either and the tension between the two was even more obvious when they were left alone. Changkyun seemed to get along better with everyone else but Jooheon, even Hyungwon and Kihyun who were the hardest to get close to. However, with him, Changkyun was always reserved, as if he was scared Jooheon would hit him or something. He would never sit next to the older rapper, or really talk to him in the dorm. When the seven members weren't together, Changkyun would hang out with Minhyuk or Kihyun, but never Jooheon. 

It was frustrating, really, since Jooheon never truly hated Changkyun. Sure, he was mad at the beginning when his friend had just been eliminated and then when he didn't get to debut with Gun, but deep down he always knew it wasn't Changkyun's fault. Like all of them, he was simply following his dreams. Jooheon was ambitious, he understood that, why didn't Changkyun see it? He was so frustrating. 

"Thanks." He shook his head, returning to reality. He took a sip of the coffee, it was exactly how he liked it. "Wait, how did you know it was my favorite?"

Changkyun stiffened, then shrugged. "I just pay attention, I guess."

There it was. Changkyun acting like Jooheon would punch him in the face if he said the wrong thing. He knew the image people that didn't know him had of him: the fierce, scary, mean rapper. He wasn't that, though, and his own member should know it. The youngest rapper sat by his side, drinking his coffee in silence. It was all he ever did around Jooheon; stay in silence and pretend the other wasn't even there.

"I wrote something while you were gone." Jooheon broke the silence, reaching for the lyrics and giving them to Changkyun. "Here, see what you think."

The lyrics were for their song Trespass, and they were about entering without asking permission. Not that Jooheon was a forceful person, but if he had to be a little to get to Changkyun then he would. Them being friends wasn't going to be a choice, it was something that needed to happen. He didn't originally think of the other rapper when writing them, but if they fit the situation, he would use it. Changkyun read the lyrics attentively, then he looked up without saying a word.

"What do you think?"

Changkyun nodded. "They're great. You're a really good rapper."

"So are you." Jooheon said, and Changkyun looked surprised. "I always thought you were, ever since you said you thought you could beat me. But even then, you never made it sound like you were trying to be better than me or like me. I liked that."

At the time, when Changkyun was asked if he thought he could beat Jooheon and he dared to say yes, the older one hated his cockiness. He remembered making it his goal to destroy the boy, because how dare he think he was better than Jooheon? He had come out of nowhere, dropped into the competition just to create tension, and yet he still thought he had the right to say things like that? However, after Jooheon thought about it, it sounded awfully like something he would do. He often thought he was superior to other rappers; not that he would say it, but he knew from the beginning of the show that his spot was guaranteed. At first he hated to have anything in common with Changkyun, but later it became nice to not be the only one with confidence. 

"I believe that we need to be who we are, not try to be like others." Changkyun opened a half smile, then said in english, "I am what I am."

Jooheon like that. He liked the fact that Changkyun, even when ignored and mistreated by the others trainees, never lost his sense of self. He was never what others wanted him to be; he didn't look for approval from anyone else but himself. The other members, some more than others, often looked for approval either from the teachers or fans, but Changkyun was more preoccupied on being his best self rather than being what others saw as best.

"I.M..." Jooheon muttered in realization. "So that's what it's supposed to mean. I thought it was because of your last name, or just to make a cool catch phrase."

Changkyun laughed at the comment, his tone higher than the one he had when speaking, which made Jooheon smile. He had never laughed at anything Jooheon had said before; he laughed at Minhyuk (quite a lot, in fact, since he had such an outgoing and bubbly personality) and even at Shownu, but never at him even when he said things with the purpose of making the rapper laugh. It felt nice to hear it for the first time aimed at him.

"You think it's cool?" The maknae provoked, arching his eyebrows.

Jooheon scoffed. "Yeah, man." 

The silence ruled again after that sentence and Jooheon hated that so much. Changkyun always appeared to make himself smaller in his presence, as if he didn't belong anywhere that Jooheon was in. Sometimes he wanted to grab the maknae by his shoulders and make him realize he did belong.

"I'm sorry." Jooheon blurted out. He couldn't keep it inside anymore, it had been months since Monsta X started rehearsing for their debut and the two were yet to have a proper conversation. 

He thought Changkyun would play dumb and ask him what for, but instead he looked at him with the same eyes he had when they first talked in a studio like that back on the reality. "It's okay."

"No, it's not. It's nice of you to try to pretend it is, but the way I treated you wasn't right. I know the others talked to you and you forgave them, and you probably forgave me too, but you shouldn't have without a real apology. I could explain it, but you know all the reasons and they don't really justify my behavior." Jooheon sighed; he should have treated Changkyun right from the beginning but if he couldn't change the past, he would fix the present. "I see the way you act around me, like you're scared all the time. But I want us to be friends, Changkyun-ah, like you are with the rest of the members."

Jooheon saw the way the others members were with the maknae. They had been slowly warming up to him since the day he arrived at the dorm, especially the older members. Kihyun had been the first to be nice to him, asking him to sit with them and the bringing a blanket to him when he was freezing; after the group was formed officially, Kihyun would also nag at Changkyun like he did with all the other members, which was his own way of showing love. Next, Shownu and Wonho took the burden off his shoulders whenever he couldn't do a dance step right, or he forgot some part of his lyrics. Then Minhyuk, who would ask Changkyun to go get coffee with him or play video-games when they didn't have practice. Last, Hyungwon would let him watch movies with him and ask the maknae if he had been eating properly. Jooheon seemed to be the only one who hadn't found a real connection with him and that was very burdensome. 

Changkyun didn't look Jooheon in the eyes. "We are friends, hyung."

"You know we're not. I don't mean being friends like when the cameras are around, I mean being real friends. I don't want to just pretend for the fans." Jooheon knew too well the difference between idols who were friends and those who just pretended for the fans; he had sworn he would be a true friend to all of his members and never lie to the fans. "I was an asshole to you, so I get if you don't want anything to do with me, but I really want you to be my friend."

He thought about how all of that sounded sappy and cheesy, but he didn't really care. He wanted to be friends with Changkyun, and the only way to do that would be by being honest, even if it was embarrassing to ask him to be his friend like they were in third grade.

"I'm not scared of you." Changkyun spoke quietly, then raised his voice. "I just–I didn't think you wanted me around. All the other members, they lost a few friends but you lost someone who was like a brother to you. I didn't want to be in his place, so I didn't talk to you."

In his mind, Jooheon had a thousand reasons why Changkyun didn't talk to him. The maknae could hate him for being a jerk, think he didn't deserve to be main rapper, simply not like him, stuff like that; he had never thought Changkyun felt guilty about being friends with him because of Gun.

"Yah, what are you talking about? You're not a replacement, you earned your place here. Besides, Gun and I might be best friends, but you and I have more balance when it comes to rap. With Gun, he was always relying on me or trying to be like me; he would always feel like just an extension of me to the public. Trust me, he's much better off without me, he needs to be himself." Jooheon smiled and placed a hand on Changkyun's shoulder. "But you, like you said, already know who you are. You don't need me, and that's why I think we work well together. We're our own people, and together we're even better."

Jooheon meant everything he said; Gun was his best friend, obviously, but there was a reason he didn't make it into Monsta X and Changkyun did. They didn't need a Jooheon 0.5, they needed someone different. Changkyun didn't speak for a few seconds, he only stared at Jooheon. At that moment, he really wished he could read minds to figure out what the maknae was thinking.

"Hyung, I... Thank you." His expression turned soft, and he looked away quickly. "Starting now, we're friends. Real friends."

"Ah come on, don't cry. Come here." He pulled Changkyun in for an awkward hug that made the maknae laugh. Jooheon had never liked a sound so much. 

_Although none of them thought much of it, of that moment when they came together for the first time, something began that day. Something they would always remember with smiles in their faces. It would forever be a fond memory._

"Jooheon-ah! Ya, Lee Jooheon!" Changkyun yelled, covered in bags with all kinds of junk food and energy drinks. They always took turns to do their midnight convenience store run when they were in the studio, and it was Changkyun's turn, "What do I look like, your servant? Come help me with these."

That kid, he had stopped calling Jooheon hyung only a few months after the day Jooheon considered they officially became friends. At first, he was hesitant, but after a few successful attempts without complaints from Jooheon, it had become a habit for the younger to drop the honorifics with him. Surprisingly, Jooheon didn't mind even though he was the only member Changkyun didn't call hyung. Maybe he had a soft spot for the maknae. _Maybe._

The older rapper let out a soft laugh and ran to help Changkyun with the bags. "Did you get Monster? It's going to be a long night..."

They put the bags in a table near their work space and Jooheon started to go through it. There were bags of ramen, cans of energy drinks and candy of all sorts. They were both supposed to be on a diet and the members would call them out if they knew, so what they ate at the studio was always a secret.

"What do you take me for? Of course I did." Changkyun opened the energy drink and gave another can to Jooheon. "Think we can finish this today? We've been trying for a week."

Monsta X's comeback was near, only about two months away, which to them was the same as a few weeks. They never accepted rap lyrics written by their song-writers, the two made a point of writing their own lyrics no matter what. So, there they were, ready to stay in the studio until the sun went up if it meant finishing the lyrics. If only they had some inspiration, but it had been a week without any ideas. The members tried to help, especially Wonho who was a very good song-writer and Kihyun who was excellent at making his opinion heard loud and clear, but Jooheon and Changkyun were a duo and could only truly make the inspiration flow by themselves. 

Two hours later, in which they had only talked about random subjects and complained about Minhyuk playing video-games in the middle of the night and making loud noises, no ideas had struck the two. Changkyun was laying on the ground with a notebook over his head, serving as a visual representation of their current state of mind. Jooheon had gone through three cans of Monster and was starting to feel desperate. He even considered just once letting someone else write the lyrics. The endless loop of Shine Forever that played in the background had been playing for so long that Jooheon was sure once he turned it off he would still hear Kihyun's voice in his mind.

They were about to fall asleep in frustration when Jooheon's phone lit up with a text from Kihyun asking if they were going to stay in the studio until the morning and how that was not good for their health. There were truly no limits to his nagging. Changkyun jumped with the noise, apparently waking up from a nap.

"What is it?" He asked, voice raspy from the quick nap. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, clearly not yet fully aware of where he was.

Jooheon shrugged. "Just Kihyun, he wants to know if we're staying here late."

"Are we? Because we're not really doing anything." Changkyun said, clearly frustrated.

He understood how the younger felt, he felt the exact same. It wasn't rare for the two of them to have similar feelings or ideas; Jooheon guessed it was what happened when were best friends with someone for long enough. Like a friendship superpower or something.

"Yeah. We'll make this work." He spoke determinedly. 

Jooheon texted Kihyun backing letting him know they would stay and they shouldn't wait for them, he would do whatever it took to finish those damn lyrics on time. It was a matter of pride at that point. He shot Changkyun a meaningful look.

Changkyun frowned, intrigued. "What? It's scary when you look at me like that." 

Jooheon took the words as a challenge. "When have I ever been scary to you?"

"Oh? You don't remember? When you used to walk like this..." Changkyun got up and imitated Jooheon's weird swag walk from years before. "Back then, I thought you were really cool and scary. But now..."

"Yah!" Jooheon yelled playfully and threw an empty can of Monster at him, obviously not intending to actually hit him. The maknae simply laughed. "Do you want to die?"

Jooheon sprinted at Changkyun and trapped him in a choke hold. The boy cried in a cute voice. "Hyuuuuung!"

Times like those made Jooheon truly remember Changkyun was the maknae. He was usually very mature, restrained even, not letting people see his weaker side or even his cute one. Jooheon was used to people thinking he was the maknae, or even Minhyuk, but if people saw how Changkyun acted around Jooheon there would be no doubt he was the youngest. Especially when he did aegyo to get his way out of some mischievous action he did against the older ones.

"Oh, so now I'm your hyung?" A bitter laugh escaped the older rapper's mouth.

"Ya!" Changkyun yelled when Jooheon pulled him even closer, then twisted Jooheon's arm and to be finally released. "Ha! You lost again."

Catching his breath, Jooheon sat down in his chair again. Seriously, when had the little maknae gotten so strong? "Only because I wasn't trying."

"Sure, Joohoney." Changkyun said, cocky. "Whatever you need to believe to sleep at night."

He sat down as well, breathing normally unlike Jooheon who was still catching his breath. Jooheon silently dared him to make a comment about his age and stamina, but it never came. He laughed to himself.

"Seriously, this kid..."

They smiled at each other and Jooheon wished all moments were like these. Happy, simple moments. The life of an idol was chaotic and busy, they knew that before they entered it, but moments like these or moments when they were on stage and the fans screamed their lyrics at the top of their lungs made it worth it. When those moments happened, all of the long hours training, the endless lyrics written in that studio, the sleepless nights; everything seemed to disappear and only the good parts remained. He wished the two of them would stay like that for a long time, as members of Monsta X and as best friends. Together, they could shine forever.

"Changkyun-ah!" Jooheon jumped excited, pulling his friend into the chair next to his. 

_Inspiration had finally struck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @bhkihyun  
> tumblr: kirhyun


	2. bring me peace, sing me to sleep;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Monsta X's first win Starship decides to move them into a new dorm and when Changkyun has conflicting feelings about it, Jooheon is by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for your kudos and comments, they really motivate me! this chapter gets things moving a little bit more, but i promise the next ones will have even more development. reminder that i'll try to post one chapter each week!
> 
> also especial shout out to my friends abi and vitoria for supporting me and making me write this. y'all the mvps and i love you a lot <3

Changkyun was good with change, he welcomed change with open arms. Since he moved around a lot when he was younger, it didn’t bother him anymore. He could get used to things fast; it took him only a few days to get used to being a part of No Mercy, and although it took him a little longer to really fit into Monsta X, he adapted pretty quickly. While most of the members were still coming to terms with living together, Changkyun easily settled into their new home. Even being woken up by Kihyun’s annoyed voice and his threats of throwing water on him if he didn’t get up, instead of the smooth sound of jazz his parents used to play to him, wasn’t such a hard thing for him to accept.

So, it came as a surprise even to himself when Starship told them they were moving to another dorm and he felt strongly against it. Everyone else seemed excited when the manager told them that since they were doing so well and even got their first win with Dramarama, Starship had decided to give them a bigger dorm. Jooheon and Minhyuk were so happy that they were hugging and jumping around like little kids. Wonho, as sensitive as always, looked as if he was about cry and the only thing stopping him was Hyungwon’s gaze fixed on him with a supportive look. Shownu and Kihyun were already discussing house task divisions and the younger one wondered if it wouldn’t be too big for him to clean alone. Everyone was over the moon, and Changkyun knew he should be too, but he wasn’t.

“Changkyun-ah, did you hear that?” Jooheon, who apparently had let go of Minhyuk and was now sitting by Changkyun’s side, asked excitedly while playing with a water bottle.

“Hmm... No, sorry. What is it?” Changkyun asked, hoping his best friend wouldn’t be able to notice he wasn’t as vibrant as everyone else.

“The new dorm has four rooms, which means we don’t have to sleep all four of us in a tiny room anymore!” Jooheon smiled, then opened his mouth as if he just had a revelation. “Ya, do you know what this means? We get to share a room! You’ll share a room with me, right?”

Changkyun put on his best fake smile. “Of course.”

Jooheon wrapped him in a tight hug and although Changkyun still felt weird inside, the hug reassured him a bit. Jooheon would be there, the change wouldn’t be so big. Things would be fine.

“Can you two love birds let go of each other for a second? We need to discuss the room division.” Kihyun said, already getting papers and a pen to write it down.

Pulling away from Changkyun, Jooheon took the pen from Kihyun’s hand and started to write their names. “Here. Changkyun’s mine.”

Changkyun laughed at Jooheon’s words; they would often joke around about one of the members belonging to them, but when Jooheon said it about Changkyun, it felt a little too much like the truth. 

There were a few more minutes of discussion about everyone else’s roommates; the high point of it was a scene involving Kihyun screaming that he didn’t want Minhyuk as his roommate because he was too loud and played games late at night, which resulted on Minhyuk chasing Kihyun around to give him a kiss on the cheek and teasing the main vocal so much that he gave up and accepted Minhyuk. Hyungwon got the whole thing in his phone and Changkyun saw him whispering to Wonho that he would use it against Kihyun the next time the boy tried to wake him up. The final partner division ended up being Jooheon and Changkyun, Kihyun and Minhyuk, Wonho and Hyungwon, and Shownu got a solo room since he was the oldest. 

Meanwhile, while everyone was having the time of their lives and acting like children excited about a new toy, Changkyun couldn’t shake off the bad feeling he had. It didn’t make sense; he had moved around a lot before and it wouldn’t even be such a big change, so why couldn’t he be happy about it? 

He wanted to be. 

_He would be._

 

* * *

Moving days were the worst. Changkyun always hated them. When he went to the United States, he noticed his favorite shirt had been left behind and when he moved to South Korea, a few boxes were lost including one with lyrics he had worked on for months. So, naturally, he wasn’t very fond of the whole moving process. It didn’t help that the bad feeling about going to a new dorm still hadn’t disappeared.

Changkyun could see his members packing and getting ready to leave. In his room, Minhyuk was singing/screaming while he shoved his clothes in a bag without worrying if they would get wrinkled. Kihyun was struggling to close his suitcase, until Shownu saw the scene and offered to sit on it to close; which he did, causing Kihyun to freak out when he heard a cracking noise inside it and opened it to find his favorite headphone broken. That would have probably been the best part of the day for Changkyun, but Jooheon convincing Wonho to pack for him by doing aegyo took the crown when he saw Wonho in their room packing the things like he was the rapper’s father.

It seemed that out of all of them, Changkyun was the only one who couldn’t pack quickly. He kept finding things around the dorm that gave him a sense of nostalgia and obligated him to stop for a few minutes to reminisce about it. He wondered how the others manage to look at so many memories and not give it at least a quick thought. After all, the dorm had been their home ever since their debut. How could it be so easy for them to forget?

Changkyun had good and bad memories in that place. Most of the bad ones were buried deep in his mind and he could barely remember them; they were almost all from No Mercy and a little after it, so they didn’t matter. The majority were the good ones: nights watching movies with the members, playing games with Minhyuk and Hyungwon, seeing Wonho workout in the middle of the living room, cooking with Kihyun, monitoring their stages with Shownu, writing lyrics at 3a.m with Jooheon; they meant so much to Changkyun that just leaving the place where they all happened felt like betrayal.

Moving before, with his parents, wasn’t always easy but it was normal. It was what he was used to; he just had to accept it and go. The easiest part of it was that they moved around so much that although he made friends, he always knew they weren’t going to be by his side for a long time. He accepted that everything was temporary and that was it. With the members, however, things were different. He knew he was with them for the long ride, so he gave himself the luxury of getting attached to things. Even silly things like the dorm, the coffee shops close to it and the places that he knew exactly how long his order took to arrive.

“Changkyunnie, are you finished? The moving truck is here.” Kihyun asked, taking him away from his thoughts. Changkyun noticed he used a sweeter tone with him, but he couldn’t tell why.

“Yeah.” Changkyun closed his suitcase. “Let’s go, hyung."

The members all gathered at the door to leave and Changkyun took one last look at the place he would no longer call home. It was small and he always complained about it, especially since seven people lived there with only one bathroom, but in that moment it was the best place in the whole world. People always did say that you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone.

Everyone had already left the apartment when Changkyun finished getting his bags out of it. He closed the door and locked it. “Goodbye, home.”

* * *

The new dorm wasn’t bad. In fact, it was superior to their old place in every way. It was bigger, cleaner, better designed and it didn't have a weird smell that they could never figure out the source of. It was the perfect new place to celebrate their rising status and focus on their 6th mini album, supposed to be released in a few months. Not that Changkyun could focus yet when he was still waiting for the bad feeling to pass and the noise made by the six other boys and their staff barely let him think.

"Ya, maknae! You don't think we're letting you sit around all day while we move everything, right? Get up!" Hyungwon yelled, a playful banter they were used to. 

Kihyun emerged from behind him, carrying three heavy boxes stacked on top of each other. "Look who's talking, you're barely doing anything."

Hyungwon laughed and shrugged. "Well, I'm not the maknae." 

"I'll go help, hyung." Changkyun chuckled and left to get the remaining boxes.

The whole moving process wasn’t finished that day, but most things were already in place. Their rooms were organized and the only thing left was the living room, which Minhyuk took over to play Overwatch and didn’t let them do anything for the rest of the day. In the end, Shownu told the boys to rest and finish the next day. As a reward for their hard work, they decided to order take-out instead of cooking; something Kihyun made very clear he was happy about, since he was exhausted.

While they were working on their new home, Changkyun tried to stay as far away from Jooheon as possible. He knew his best friend would figure out something was wrong if he saw him for too long. At first, he managed to escape the rapper by staying near Minhyuk, who talked so much that he didn’t have time to notice Changkyun wasn’t saying anything. However, a few hours later, they had to organize their rooms and the fact that Jooheon was his roommate made it hard to avoid him. 

Changkyun managed to somewhat pretend to be fine, playfully shoving Jooheon when they entered the room and pouting when he complained. But Jooheon was his best friend for a reason, and after a few minutes he asked Changkyun if something was wrong.

“Nah, I think I’m just tired. We woke up way too early.” He said, faking a yawn. Jooheon side-eyed him and maybe he knew he was lying, but he wouldn’t say.

“We’ll be done soon, then we’ll eat something and go to bed.” Jooheon offered him a kind smile, showing his dimples. Changkyun always thought they were very charming, alluring even. 

After that, time went by pretty fast. Changkyun’s mood lit up a little while talking to Jooheon and getting their room in order. He could also hear Kihyun yelling at Minhyuk in room next to theirs, which was pretty funny and made him thank God for Jooheon. When they were finished, they gathered in the living room to eat.

The food arriving caused a comotion in the new dorm not only because they were all hungry but because Shownu, who was supposed to pay, forgot his card’s password and had to call the manager to tell him. Changkyun knew it would be one of those stories they would later tell fans at fansigns or variety shows with a fond smile in their faces.

“To the new dorm and to a long, long time together as Monsta X and as friends!” Shownu, who had been eating dumplings non-stop ever since they arrived, raised his glass of soju with a proud smile.

“Cheers!” The voices of the seven boys united, and they all took a sip of their drinks at the same time.

They laughed and talked for what felt like hours, putting Changkyun’s mind more at ease. Maybe he was simply over thinking things. Maybe things would be okay, maybe change wasn’t bad. He still had the boys, he reminded himself. He would be okay as long as the seven of them were together.

“I love you guys so much. You know that, right?” A slightly drunk Wonho said, his voice dozing off and sounding like he was about to cry. The boys laughed and hugged Wonho before he actually started crying. 

Changkyun felt something warm in his chest. _They would be okay._

* * *

Rain poured outside with a loud noise, the occasional thunder sounds making it even noisier. It was cold and the storm made the sky so dark that it was impossible to tell whether it was day or night. Changkyun wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting in the rehearsal room listening to his latest song when he heard muffled screams coming from outside. He could recognize those voices anywhere: Hyungwon and Kihyun. Changkyun took off the headphones in an attempt to figure out what the fight was about; he wasn’t sure he should meddle without knowing anything.

“Do you think it’s _fun_ for us? Do you think we like playing backup singers for you?” Hyungwon yelled, and he must have pushed Kihyun because there was a collision noise and a whimper. 

“Ya! Don’t push me!” Kihyun’s angry voice was scary and Changkyun had only actually heard it once or twice during all the time he knew the vocalist; he did have a short temper, but his true anger was something rare to witness. “It’s not my fault you can barely hold a note. Maybe if you had a better voice you wouldn’t be singing background for someone much better than you. Are you angry at me because you know once this is over I'll have a solo career and you'll be lucky if you get to be a cheap model?"

Changkyun frowned at the words, confused. Kihyun would never say something like that, he was always understanding and tried to avoid conflict. He knew people thought the vocalist was mean, but he was never truly that. At least not on purpose.

“You can fucking sing, so what? You can’t dance, you can’t rap, you’re not even handsome enough for a solo career.” Hyungwon spat. Changkyun knew Kihyun wouldn’t take it for much longer. “You’re nothing but a cocky, entitled asshole. And if you really wanna know, none of us like you. All we do is put up with you because you’re part of our group. You’re a–”

Hyungwon’s phrase was interrupted by a noise that Changkyun interpreted as Kihyun punching the taller boy in the face. He couldn’t just stand there anymore while two of his friends hurt each other; he ran outside to find them on the ground exchanging hits. Kihyun was on top of Hyungwon with his fists hungry for more blood, and Changkyun had never seen such an awful scene. Whoever those two standing in front of him throwing curse words and violent jabs at each other were, he knew they couldn't be his friends. 

“Changkyun!” Kihyun spotted the boy, his teeth now filled with a red tone as the liquid dripped from his lips. “Why are you just standing there? Whose side are you on?”

Changkyun froze. Whose side was he on? Whose side was he on? He didn’t have to pick sides, they were all friends. He didn’t understand how one day they went from eating pizza and professing their love for each other to two of them covered in each other’s blood.

“Stop it. You’re friends. Come on, let’s go before someone sees you.” Changkyun placed a hand in Kihyun’s shoulder, but the boy violently moved it away and hissed at him. His eyes were dark and whoever was in front of the maknae, he knew it couldn’t be Kihyun. 

“We’re not friends, you idiot.” Hyungwon muttered, voice low and lifeless.

Changkyun moved to get Kihyun off of Hyungwon and try to calm the two down when everything turned black. He opened his eyes to find himself in front of reporters at what looked like a press conference. By his side were all the other members, except Jooheon. He searched frantically for his best friend but there was no sign of him. Something was wrong.

“Wonho hyung, what’s going on?” He asked, clearly lost.

Wonho stared at him like he was crazy. “This is no time for jokes, Changkyun. Just say what the manager told you to.”

Changkyun looked at him in confusion, but when he noticed the older one appeared as if he was about to cry, he decided not to bother him again. Instead, he turned to Kihyun. He was scared at first but when he turned he saw the same old Kihyun, except with a lighter hair color that made him look somewhat like an angel; nothing like the boy with dark bloodshot eyes he had seen before.

“Kihyun hyung, what’s this?” He asked quietly.

Kihyun had a bright smile in his face and for a moment he felt normal again, but then the boy moved closer to him and whispered, “Don’t talk to me.”

The main vocalist gave Changkyun another smile, which only felt very creepy after his words, then turned back to the reporters and waved to a few fans. Changkyun didn’t understand what was happening; why wasn’t anyone telling him anything? He looked to the other members and found empty smiles; even Minhyuk, the usual sunshine, had bags under his eyes and appeared to do his best to assure that Hyungwon wouldn’t jump on Kihyun's neck.

“Hello. We are Monsta X.” Shownu introduced the group by himself, making the maknae even more confused. “We are here today to officially announce the end of Monsta X’s activities as a group. We are very grateful for all of your support through these three years and we will always love our monbebes and cherish our times together. All six of us will remain under Starship and focus on individual projects. Please support us as you supported Monsta X. We’ll remain friends and colleagues, and we all wish the best for each other.”

All six of us. Changkyun hoped he had heard wrong, but he knew he didn’t. Shownu said six and Jooheon wasn’t there, so it could only mean he was no longer under Starship. Changkyun could barely think and without Jooheon there, he felt completely lost. Usually when he didn’t understand something, Jooheon was there to help him. _Why wasn’t he there?_

Kihyun started talking and pulled Changkyun away from his thoughts. “I’ll be releasing my solo album soon, and I hope to have your support and love. The members have heard it already and they loved it, so I think you’ll love it as well. Wonho hyung helped with the production too! Anyway, monbebes, thank you for three amazing years together and let’s have many more, okay?”

His voice sounded sweet and Changkyun wanted to punch him. How could they all be so calm? Kihyun gave him a look that indicated it was his turn to talk, while also telling him to be careful and not say anything stupid. Deep down, he knew his job was to simply thank the fans for the support and leave it at that, but how could he?

“Hm... I–I’m very grateful to monbebes and to my members. I’ll keep making music and I–” He stopped talking to look around, hoping to see Jooheon at the mention of music which they always did together. However, he only found Kihyun’s annoyed gaze burning him. Fuck it. “You know what? No, I’m not doing this. Monsta X is not over. It can’t be over. Where’s Jooheon? He’s a part of us. We’re all part of the group. It’s not over.”

Shownu walked to Changkyun and pretended to hug him, actually holding him tightly. He took the microphone from his hands. “I’m sorry for Changkyun, he’s a little too emotional. We’ll leave you with the other members.”

Despite his protests, Shownu dragged Changkyun backstage and only let him go when he promised he wouldn’t run back to the stage. The leader sighed at the sight of Changkyun holding back his tears. “I’m sorry, Changkyunnie. I know how hard this is for you, more than for the others.”

Changkyun blinked a couple of times, hesitating. “What do you mean?”

“Jooheon." Shownu swallowed hard, avoiding eye contact with the maknae. “When he left, I promised you we would continue together but... I couldn’t keep that promise. I’m sorry.”

_When he left._ Jooheon had left them, left him. The Jooheon he knew would never do that, he would never be able to simply leave his friends behind and get a solo career. Changkyun could barely breathe, he was on the verge of having a panic attack.

“I don’t get it." The words barely left his mouth. "No one’s making sense today.” 

Shownu seemed to questioned his mental state, but his expression softened. “You and Jooheon had a fight, remember? I don’t even remember exactly what it was about. Anyway, you two talked after and Jooheon wanted to leave the group and make a rap duo with you. You didn’t want to leave us, so you told him you should both stay. He ended up leaving and you–you were devastated. You didn’t talk to us for days, you wouldn’t eat, things were bad.”

Changkyun cursed his stupid brain for having no memories of those events. He remembered the fight between Hyungwon and Kihyun, but everything between him and Jooheon was a blur in his mind. He wished he could at least remember their last moments together, if Jooheon had said goodbye to him or simply left without a word.

After a few seconds, he asked the question he feared. “But why is Monsta X over?”

“After Jooheon left, we were all shaken. Wonho and I did everything we could to keep everyone happy, but it’s hard to lose someone that you considered a brother. Hyungwon, you know how he has no filter, started getting angry and taking it out on Kihyun. He took it at first, but Kihyun was never one to hold his tongue for too long either. They had a big fight, you saw it, and Hyungwon even ended up at the hospital.” Shownu looked down, as if he blamed himself for the whole thing. “After that Kihyun decided he wanted to go solo, he wouldn’t change his mind. So we decided it was better to end Monsta X than to keep going like that.”

“That’s not true. Kihyun wouldn't do that. And Jooheon–” Changkyun felt a lump in his throat, he coughed and continued, "Jooheon wouldn’t leave us. He wouldn’t leave me.”

Shownu placed a hand on his shoulder, understanding as always. “Changkyunnie, I know it’s hard but–”

Changkyun shoved Shownu away harshly, not aware of his own strength. None of that was happening, no, it couldn't. In a second Shownu would tell him it was a prank to entertain the fans, just something to tease the maknae; anything that meant Monsta X wasn't over.

“No, don’t touch me. I know him. I know all of you. This isn’t happening.” Changkyun's eyes filled with water, he was shaking and could barely concentrate on whatever Shownu was saying.

“Changkyun–” The leader tried to hold him again, but this time Changkyun ran away from him.

“Jooheon!” 

He yelled for his best friend even though he knew he wouldn’t answer. Changkyun had no idea where he was going, all he knew was that he had to get away from that place. He needed to find Jooheon, to fix all of that. _It wasn't the end of Monsta X, not to him._ Running without a destination, Changkyun kept going until his body gave in and he fell on the ground. The pain shot through his body immediately, he saw blood smeared in his palms and when he looked around he was in a completely different place. The room was dark and cold, feeling like a visual representation of his feelings.

“Changkyun-ah!" A distant voice called, but Changkyun couldn't speak anymore. He was numb.

“Ya, Changkyun!” The voice called again and he felt something cold touch his arms. “Changkyunnie, please wake up.”

Changkyun woke up covered in sweat, a rare thing to happen in the middle of a Seoul winter. Facing him was a worried Jooheon and Changkyun never felt so happy seeing someone before. He hugged the older one tightly and sighed with relief. It had all been a dream, he was okay and Jooheon was okay and Monsta X was okay. Everything was fine, they were safe.

"Changkyunnie, are you okay? You were talking in your sleep." Jooheon was still locked in Changkyun's arms. "Did you have a nightmare? Do you want to talk about it?"

He didn’t, for obvious reasons. Telling Jooheon about it would mean discussing it, and his best friend would want to analyze the entire dream part by part which would turn it into a huge thing. It didn't have to be a huge thing, it was just a stupid nightmare. It barely felt real; the fights and the press conference announcing the end of something he knew would last a long time, none of it was realistic. He had no reason to burden Jooheon with it.

He coughed and let Jooheon go. "Yeah, but I'm okay now. It wasn't a big deal."

Jooheon frowned and Changkyun knew he didn’t believe him. "Are you sure?”

_He wasn’t._ Nevertheless, Changkyun being worried was enough and the last thing he wanted was to drag Jooheon into his problems. He would deal with that alone later.

"Yeah.” He shrugged. “Don't worry."

By the way Jooheon looked at him, Changkyun could tell he was still worried. He wasn’t sure what he said while having the nightmare, and for the good of both of them he hoped it wasn’t anything too revealing. 

"Go back to sleep then, we have a full day tomorrow.” Jooheon stood up. “Good night, Kyun.”

Changkyun grabbed Jooheon’s shirt in an impulse, letting go of it quickly "Wait... Can you stay with me for a while? Here?"

“Sure.” Jooheon opened a smile and threw himself into Changkyun’s bed. “Scoot over.”

Jooheon was laying on his side, facing Changkyun with his deep, bright eyes. They looked smaller than usual since he had just woken up and made him look even cuter. He smiled at Changkyun when he caught the youngest staring at him, but thankfully didn’t say anything. Although Changkyun was still worried, at least for the time being he was happy to have Jooheon by his side and to know things were normal.

After a few minutes deep in thought, Changkyun said, "Do you know that song from Goblin? I think Kihyun sang it somewhere once..."

"Hm... Beautiful?" Jooheon asked with his eyes closed, a clear sign that he was close to falling asleep again.

"Yeah, that one. I like it.” Changkyun yawned, tiredness overcoming his body. ”It's peaceful."

"Do you want me to sing it to you? So you can sleep again..."

Jooheon rarely ever sang, unless the fans asked him to or he was alone in his studio. Changkyun wasn’t sure why since he was so confident, but he imagined it was intimidating to sing near really good singers when you weren’t as good. Which, by the way, made no sense to him as he thought Jooheon’s voice was incredibly beautiful.

Changkyun smiled deviously. "Well, since you offered..."

"I'm not a singer, though. My voice isn't like Kihyun hyung's." 

"I don't want to hear his voice. I want yours." Changkyun said determined, then he saw how tired Jooheon looked, "But you don't have to sing if you don't want to."

"Aish, you... Fine, I'll sing for you.” Jooheon gave up; he always attended Changkyun’s requests so easily. “Close your eyes and try to sleep, Changkyunnie."

_“It’s a beautiful life, I’ll be by your side_

_It’s a beautiful life, I’ll be behind you_

_Beautiful love, If I am with you under the sun_

_Even just breathing feels good...”_

The older boy kept singing while putting his arm around Changkyun, involving him in a warm embrace. Changkyun closed his eyes and let his mind be guided to sleep by Jooheon’s sweet melody. Never had a song sounded so mesmerizing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up 
> 
> twitter: @bhkihyun  
> tumblr: kirhyun.tumblr.com


	3. a little jealousy, the way you look at someone other than me;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Changkyun's nightmare has him on edge, but an event with the fans might just be what he needs to relax. Or not...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the delay!!! i had test week and law school kicked my ass lmao. anyways enjoy the new chapter and the next one will most likely be posted next week. 
> 
> thank you so much for all the comments and kudos, it motivates me a lot!
> 
> {ps: thanks to my friend abi for suggesting the lie detector question for kihyun}

When exactly had Changkyun fallen asleep the night before wasn't clear, he could only remember Jooheon's raspy sleepy voice serenading him while his arms held the younger rapper tightly. He remembered feeling safe and calm as if nothing in the world could hurt him and the nightmare that had given him chills all over his body was nothing but a faint memory. He was grateful at least for that much, although he wished he could remember when the soft melody stopped and Jooheon left his bed.

"Changkyun, Jooheon, get up! It's already five. We have to leave by six." Kihyun's voice echoed in Changkyun's ear, faded but at least calm. He was glad to see Kihyun was his same old self, much so that he didn't get annoyed at him for waking him up.

Every morning started the same. The sometimes nice and sometimes not-so-nice smell of Kihyun's cooking filled their rooms right as he started to wake them up one by one. In some days Hyungwon wouldn't wake up and they would hear his grumpy complaints when Kihyun had enough and decided to throw water at him, and in others everyone would be excited and get up quickly, eating breakfast and laughing together. Most days ran the same course, an unspoken routine they had. Not that Changkyun minded it. In fact, being in a routine amid chaotic schedules was quite nice.

Begging for a few more minutes of sleep, he shifted in bed and hugged something next to him; he figured it was a pillow or some stuffed toy. The object felt warm and let out a laugh, making Changkyun instinctively let it go.

"Good morning, Changkyun-ah." Jooheon said, voice low indicating he wasn't fully awake yet. "You cuddled with me all night and you still want to hug me more? Do you like me that much?"

_Did Jooheon sleep there all night with him? Cuddling?_   A nervous laugh escaped Changkyun's mouth, his embarrassment being increased when Kihyun abruptly opened the door. The vocalist was wearing an apron that read " _good-looking cooking"_ , no doubt a gift from the fans, and holding a frying pan in his hands; a sight that would be hilarious if Changkyun wasn’t so flustered.

"Ya! We're gonna be la–" Kihyun stopped when he saw the two rappers snuggled together in bed. "What are you two doing? Don't you know what personal space is? Aish, it's too early for this. Just get up, please."

Kihyun left the room quickly, making a big show out of covering his eyes like he had just caught them having sex. How dramatic. Kihyun had seen far worst and more explicit things before, like that one time Hyungwon challenged Minhyuk to give Wonho a lap dance or when Minhyuk blasted a very suggestive song on his bluetooth speakers at six in the morning while twerking; something Jooheon recorded in his phone for posterity. Interestingly, most of the crazy stories involving the boys had Minhyuk somewhere in it.

Changkyun shot a look at Jooheon waiting for him to leave his bed so he could get up, but the older one didn’t seen willing to make Changkyun’s life easier that morning. Jooheon turned around and buried his face in Changkyun's pillow, making a growling noise.

“Jooheon-ah, please get up. I don’t want Kihyun hyung to throw cold water at us.” Changkyun whined, aware that his voice probably sounded childish. Whenever he raised the pitch of his voice, he felt like a kid.

Jooheon seemed to have an argument with himself in his mind, then sighed. “Okay, but only because you sound cute.”

He quickly got up and sprinted to their closet to pick an outfit. Meanwhile, Changkyun was still in bed with the nightmare returning to his thoughts. It made no sense, he knew it, but the things that happened were still lingering in his mind, a criminal hiding in the shadows. He wondered if it had been merely something from his tired mind wandering too much or if there was a bigger meaning behind it. If there was, one thing was for sure: Changkyun would do anything to keep Monsta X together and Jooheon with them.

"Hey, are you listening?" Jooheon yanked him away from his thoughts waving a Gucci shirt in front of him to get his attention. "What's with you these days? It's like you're somewhere else..."

Changkyun shrugged, pretending it wasn’t a big deal. "Guess I'm still a little asleep."

He was, however, not sleepy at all. The thoughts racing in his mind had woken him up fully quicker than the threat of being covered by cold water. He felt stupid for even considering the possibility of Jooheon leaving when things were good like that and his hyung stood in front of him relaxed and mindlessly choosing what to wear. That wouldn’t be the behavior of someone he’d fight with.

"We can fix that.” Jooheon arched his eyebrows mischievously. "Kihyun hyung, Changkyun won't wa–”

Changkyun’s eyes widened and he ran to Jooheon, covering his mouth. He did  _not_ want to face Kihyun’s wrath that early in the morning. Not after the graphic fight he had dreamed about; Kihyun had a mean right hook, apparently.

"Ya! Shut up!” He whispered.

"Hm, hm..." Jooheon protested and Changkyun took his hand away from his mouth. "You asked for it..."

"I hate you." Changkyun smiled, giving away his lie.

Jooheon pushed him playfully. "Love you too, Changkyunnie."

They shared a smile, then Changkyun opened the closet to find something to wear. "Let's get ready fast, I'm excited for today."

* * *

 

Leaving the new dorm took longer than expected because Wonho took an hour to find and outfit. According to him he wanted to look his best for the fans, but did he really need to make a runway out of their living room and force the members to give him scores for each outfit? In the end of the whole show, Kihyun and Shownu all but dragged Wonho out of his room with whatever he wore last and they finally left.

The drive to the location of the second  _"Picnic In Monbebe World"_ was quiet, probably because everyone was half asleep. At least that gave Changkyun some time to think without worrying his best friend, whose eyes were closed and head rested in Minhyuk's shoulders peacefully. With his hair still bleached, Jooheon looked somewhat like an angel. It was a reassuring sight to his troubled mind.

They were pulling up to the parking lot when Wonho looked at Changkyun with concerned eyes. “Are you okay, Changkyunnie? You look troubled...”

“I’m just a little tired, hyung.” Changkyun lied. “I didn’t sleep too well in the new dorm.”

“It’s the new mattress, right? I hated it too, but Hyungwon said I was overthinking it.” Wonho complained, making Changkyun smile. His hyung was always a lighthearted person; someone who whenever he was around, it was as if a little weight was taken off the maknae's shoulders. "Don't worry though, I'm sure we'll get used to it soon."

The van stopped and the manager looked at the boys, signalizing that they could leave the car and start getting ready. There were still hours until the event, but makeup and sound check would take up most of those hours. At least they would have one remaining hour to eat and rest before they went on stage. Changkyun saw Minhyuk gently shake Jooheon to wake him up, and he adorably opened his eyes with a confused expression as if he wasn’t even sure of who he was. Changkyun would have waited until Jooheon came back to his senses and walked with him, but he decided to go ahead first to get his makeup done quickly and have some extra time to rest. God knew how much he needed it.

The chaos backstage with people running around and the mindless talk between the boys and the make-up artists and stylists didn’t let Changkyun rest, but it also didn’t let his mind wander where it shouldn’t. His hair was styled up and it reeked of hairspray, an uncomfortable yet familiar smell. The stylists gave him a more casual outfit since they wanted to give off the normal vibe of meeting a friend to the fans, even if there was nothing personal about having your whole outfit picked up by someone else. At last, they primped him up with foundation and a little brown eye-shadow. He looked at himself in the mirror feeling impressed and noticed Jooheon coming out of the dressing room with black jeans and a white shirt.

“Looking good, Kyunnie.” Jooheon approached him smiling. “How do I look?”

Changkyun turned around to look at Jooheon and only then noticed how good the older one looked. His hair was also styled up, although the hairstyle suited him better, and his small eyes appeared to be bigger thanks to the make-up. The outfit he was wearing was simple like Changkyun’s, but he still managed to have a strong presence. It was both annoying and appealing how Jooheon could pull things off so easily.

“You look great.” Changkyun replied, careful for a reason he didn’t know. “The casual vibe really suits you.”

“Ah, really?” Jooheon looked down at his outfit. “I was worried it was too simple... I want to look my best.”

On someone else, Changkyun thought, the outfit would probably be indeed too simple. However, Jooheon made it look special.

“Don’t worry, the fans will love it.” He offered his friend a kind smile.

“Thanks, Kyun.” Jooheon matched his smile. “I’ll go finish my make-up now.”

When Jooheon left, Changkyun moved from the make-up chair to a couch near the dressing room, the most quiet place in a very loud site. He took a thirty minute nap until Shownu woke him up to start the sound check and rehearsal.

Rehearsal passed by quickly since they only had to make sure they knew their positions and the song order. It wasn’t anything special and although he was concentrating on the staff’s instructions, most of his thoughts were somewhere else. After that, Changkyun went back to the couch and enjoyed one hour of deep sleep without any nightmare interruptions.

He was woken up by Wonho telling him they were going on stage in about twenty minutes. He didn’t like being woken up when he was having such a good sleep, but Kihyun started to warm up loudly minutes after so he knew it would’ve been cut short anyway. Jooheon was also doing warm up exercises by his side and Changkyun decided to join him.

“Okay everyone, let’s get to our places. The fans are waiting.” Shownu said a few minutes later once everyone was warmed up and ready.

They stepped on stage welcomed by the screams of the fans. Changkyun always felt something warm in his stomach when he was on stage, looking at the fans' glowing eyes attentive to everything he did. It felt as if the stage was a second home, one where he would never be alone. Not as long as he had his six members and the fans by his side. Just as he was thinking about those things, the fans started to yell the group's name and the members by his side smiled widely. They bowed to them and did their usual introduction, cheered up by applause.

"Welcome, Monbebe!" Shownu greeted them.

"Did you miss us?" Wonho asked, shooting hearts at the audience. "We missed you more!"

Changkyun waved at the crowd, happy. "Since our Monbebes missed us so much, how about we sing something special for you?"

The crowd screamed in agreement and the boys quickly moved to their positions to start singing Tropical Night. The song happened to be one of Changkyun's favorite from the album, he remembered exactly how his and Jooheon's rap verses came to be. It was late and they had been in the studio for a few hours without inspiration after procrastinating for two days; their lyrics were due in the next day and they had nothing, which would make other rappers freak out, but Jooheon was so calm that it was kind of frightening. Inspiration came out of nowhere after a lot of convenience store ramen and energy drinks had been consumed. They simply looked at each other after Jooheon said something and realized they finally knew what to write. It was always like that with them, they had a natural chemistry that most people spent all their lives trying to achieve.

The song ended with the cheers of the fans and Kihyun took the microphone. "Now, let's have some fun! We're going to play a few games together and the losing team will..." He looked at the members searching for ideas.

"Have to buy the winning team coffee!" Jooheon suggested, but the fans expressed they didn't like the idea.

"No, that's too boring." Minhyuk, always ready to cause trouble, said. "How about the losing team kiss the members from the winning team on the forehead? We'll do it at home and post it on SNS."

As expected, the fans went crazy with the promised penalty. They definitely had a winner.

Kihyun laughed, surprised by the wild reaction. "Okay, then we'll do that! We'll have three games worth points and one for fun. Let's see what the teams are..."

Teams were chosen through rock, paper, scissors and ended up being: Jooheon, Wonho and Shownu versus Minhyuk, Hyungwon and Changkyun with Kihyun as the MC. The first game was the guessing game, where one person made gestures and his team members had to figure out what he was doing. It caused quite a commotion when Wonho complained the game was unfair and that Kihyun who played judge for the games was biased, only for his team to end up winning. The next game was about figuring out what an object was by touching it with their faces, something Minhyuk was surprisingly good at and gave them a quick victory. With the scores tied, they moved on to the deciding game.

Before the third game began, a VCR with the members talking about each other played. They laughed and made fun of each other, but when it was Changkyun's turn they started talking about No Mercy. It was inevitable, really, when talking about first impressions since their first encounter was very awkward and filmed for everyone to see. However, he was glad to see how fondly his members thought of him in the present. Jooheon recounted their first talk together at the studio, something that meant a lot for Changkyun; he wasn't sure Jooheon knew how important it had been. Then the older rapper talked about how they've become closer and Changkyun couldn't help but smile widely, something the members made fun of him for.

The third game was charades. Shownu's awful drawing skills definitely didn't help his team, but Hyungwon's even worse guessing skills tanked Changkyun's team and gave the final win to Jooheon's team. They celebrated by hugging and making fun of the other team, with Jooheon sticking his tongue out to Changkyun, who laughed and did the same. It took them a second to remember what the penalty for the losing team was.

"As promised Minhyuk, Hyungwon and Changkyun will kiss the members of the winning team and post it on SNS later." Kihyun said, barely containing his laugh. "Unfortunately, we're getting to the end of the event, but we'll play an extra game for fun. It's the lie detector game!"

The fans cheered and a staff member brought the lie detector for them. Changkyun thought the whole thing was utter bullshit, because that thing obviously couldn't tell when someone was lying or telling the truth and just turned red or green arbitrarily. However, the fans seemed to love the idea, so he would gladly do it. The fake device went around a few members until it stopped on Kihyun and the members appointed Changkyun to ask a question. Of course he would use the opportunity to make fun of the vocalist.

"Hm... Kihyun hyung..." He smiled in a way that made Kihyun look worried. "Isn't it true that you've once said you're this generation's best vocalist?"

Kihyun looked baffled. "Wh– _what?_ I never–I never said that, It's not like that. No..."

The other members laughed as Kihyun looked distressed and kept talking nonsense. Changkyun couldn't help but laugh at Kihyun's exaggerated response. He was always like that, making a big deal out of everything. It was both entertaining and annoying, depending on the situation.

"Come on, put your hand on the lie detector then." Changkyun teased.

"I don't think I'm this generation's best vocalist. It's not like that." Kihyun sighed defeated, putting his hand on the device only to take it off a second later, trying not to show he was in pain. "This is clearly broken. _Look!_ It's not working right, I don't–”

"Give it up, Kihyunnie. The lie detector spoke." Minhyuk teased him, then took the microphone from Changkyun's hand. Kihyun kept his head down in defeat. "It's Jooheon's turn now, I'll ask a question."

Jooheon took the device and looked at Minhyuk calmly. "Shoot."

"Jooheonnie..." Minhyuk arched his eyebrows and Changkyun knew nothing good could come from him. Minhyuk wasn't called a little devil for nothing. "You love me the most, _right?"_

He battled his eyelashes exaggeratedly, waiting for Jooheon's response. Changkyun suddenly stiffened, so quickly that nobody would even have time to notice. For some reason, he was curious about the answer. He knew it was just one of Minhyuk's antics; from the way he had worded the question to the exaggerated expressions he kept making at Jooheon, it was obvious he was simply doing fan-service.  _However..._

"Ah, no... I love all the members equally." Jooheon said confident, putting his hand in the device and yanking it away with a wince. "Ouch!"

"I knew it!" Minhyuk jumped in victory, looking at the other members. "Jooheon isn't saying it not to hurt the members, but you don't mind, right?"

Changkyun felt Minhyuk's eyes on him, but he looked away. By his side, Wonho shook his head as if saying that he didn't mind. Changkyun shifted uncomfortably in his chair, avoiding to look at Jooheon. Why did he care so much about the answer? He was Jooheon's best friend, not Minhyuk. He knew it. And yet he longed for the answer, for that little stupid device that he knew didn't work to turn red.  _For God's sake..._

"Minhyuk... Aish, you... I love Minhyuk the most." Jooheon put his hand back on the white object and before he could even process anything, it turned red and he groaned. "Ya, did someone mess with this? I swear it hurt more this time..."

Everyone's eyes were fixated on Jooheon and they erupted in laughs when Minhyuk frowned and sighed loudly. Changkyun released the breath he wasn't even aware he was holding. He felt sorry for Jooheon's pain and thought of going to his best friend and giving him a hug, but before he could stand up Minhyuk ran to Jooheon and threw himself in his arms. It looked as if he was suffocating the poor rapper.

"Come on, Jooheonnie. Tell me you love me the most." Minhyuk whined. "I won't let you go until you do."

Jooheon laughed and his eyes met Minhyuk's. "Okay, Min, I love you the most."

The fans melted with the answer, cheering even louder than they had before. Changkyun, on the other side, felt nauseated. It was clear Jooheon had only said that because Minhyuk all but forced him to. He knew it was just Minhyuk's bubbly personality that loved doing things like that with Jooheon, hugging him and kissing him on the cheek to appease the fans. He knew it didn't mean anything, they weren't as close as him and Jooheon, but he couldn't help but to feel his green contact lenses turn a darker shade at the sight of the over the top skin-ship. Minhyuk hugged the rapper even tighter while he laughed and Changkyun's teeth instinctively clenched. If eyes could kill, Changkyun would have struck Minhyuk down like lightning. The worst part was that he was feeling all of that without meaning to or understanding.

When the hug finally ended, the fans clamored for more. Seriously, hadn't that never-ending hug been enough? Minhyuk returned to his seat by Changkyun's side and he moved a little away from the vocalist in an impulse. Jooheon passed the lie detector to Kihyun, who of course just had to give it to Changkyun. The rapper begrudgingly took it, not really feeling up to silly games anymore.

"I'll ask the question." Kihyun said, ready to take revenge on the maknae. "Changkyun-ah, have you ever been jealous?"

_A comeback spoiler, so obvious._  Their next title track would be Jealousy, but since the fans knew nothing about it they wouldn't bat an eye to the question. Changkyun let out a bitter laugh. Honestly, was that the best Kihyun could do? He could have asked so many embarrassing questions, yet he chose one that Changkyun knew the exact answer to. He had never been a jealous person, even when he really liked someone he thought jealousy was an ugly feeling that he stayed away from. Being jealous was pointless and it only led to impulsive and destructive actions.

"No, I've never been jealous. I'm not a jealous person." Changkyun calmly put his hand on the lie detector. He jumped in surprised when he felt a sharp pain pulsing through his hand. It couldn't be... "Ya! This makes no sense. It's broken. I knew this thing didn't work."

Kihyun had thrown himself on the ground laughing by that point and the rest of the members were all looking at Changkyun with curious eyes, probably wondering who had been the source of his jealousy. It was, by the way, no one since he knew for a fact that he had never been jealous in his whole life.

"I didn't know this about you, Changkyunnie." Jooheon teased him and although normally he would tease back, he couldn't do it.

"Because it's not true!" Changkyun threw his arms. "Whatever, this doesn't work."

_" Aww,_ did we make the maknae mad?" Hyungwon joked and not to worry the fans, Changkyun laughed it off.

Things after that happened fast for Changkyun, who couldn't focus for some reason. He wasn't feeling excited and happy as he was before, instead just wanting to get home soon so he could lay down and be alone for a while. The event ended after they sang two other songs for the fans and the drive back home was loud, unlike when they drove to the event. Changkyun pretended to be asleep so he wouldn't be next victim when everyone started to make fun of Kihyun for his answer during the lie detector test. When they arrived home, Jooheon leaped out of the car chasing after Minhyuk, without waking up Changkyun.

"Should we film the penalty video now? We should post it soon since we promised..." Kihyun suggested right after they entered the dorm.

"Yeah, let's do it now." Minhyuk agreed. "I call Jooheon! I think the fans will like it after today..."

Changkyun took a deep breath and swallowed the not so nice words that crossed his mind, smiling instead. "I'll do Shownu hyung then."

Kihyun filmed the punishment videos all together at once since Hyungwon said he would only do it one time. Changkyun was sure he looked a little out of it in the video, it wasn't his fault that all he could think about was being alone in his studio. Besides, he caught a glimpse of Minhyuk kissing Jooheon’s forehead and that was all the annoying skin-ship he could take for the day. Once Kihyun gave them a thumbs up, Changkyun took his wallet and moved for the door, trying to leave without being seen.

"Hey, where are you going?"

_Shit. Jooheon._

Changkyun tried his best to sound normal. "I'm going to the studio."

"I'll go with you." Jooheon moved to get his coat, but Changkyun's answer stopped him.

"I actually wanted to be alone." Changkyun thought of saying Jooheon should just stay with Minhyuk but that would sound petty, so he didn't. It wasn’t uncommon for them to go to their studios alone, but the way Changkyun said it–he knew Jooheon noticed the difference. He didn't wait for Jooheon's answer and simply left.

Alone in his studio and still unsure what the source of his bad mood was, Changkyun decided to at least be productive. He opened the Jealousy lyrics and decided to try writing something. He was supposed to have written his verse already, but the problem was that he didn't quite know how to express jealousy when he had never felt it — no matter what that stupid device said. He took a deep breath and played the beat, trying to think of something.

_"I got it, the last out of the seven._

_Think these guys are better than me?_

_Now tell me what are you feeling?_

_Just trust me and follow me, fly with me"_

He stopped the beat, only then realizing... Did Changkyun finally know what being jealous felt like? 

_Oh. Fuck._


End file.
